It has been a year since Dad passed away. The hurt remains. The regret still remains, and the memories are ever present. The sadness, I find, is still intense and just underneath the surface as I replay the
video I created for his funeral. To lose a parent is unbearable. I didn't see him fade away like the rest of my family did. All I have is my final memory of him as he woke me up on the morning of my departure back to Seattle. I was dreadfully late for my flight and would miss it upon my arrival to the airport. I hurriedly packed and dressed and said my final goodbye to him as Mom watched. It was a bear of a hug I gave him. Perhaps the only hug I ever gave him. It was a tight hug as I heard him slightly wheeze during it. I dreaded the feeling that it would be the last time I would see him alive. I owed him money also since I didn't send my monthly contribution the month before. It was days after my departure that he would call me inquiring about the check. That was the last time I ever talked to him as I promised to send it in a day or two.
He was freshly dead when I saw him last year on the gurney. Death mangled and distorted him. Cancer did its work well. The cold body laying in the chapel prior to the mortician's handiwork was my Dad. His mouth was shut artificially however and his body was bloated. I was dumbfounded and emotionless. Nothing poured forth except a feeling of intense loss. I will never see him walk again nor hear his fatherly advice anymore. He's gone for good and I truly miss him in spite of the fact that our relationship wasn't picture perfect.
The video was made in haste. It started out as a slideshow for Dad's 80th birthday in 2003.
